slow down and stop chasing
and bake this fun 2-ingredient cake
ANNOUNCEMENT!
my dear friend, my next cookbook, 108 Asian Cookies, is coming this October, and if you preorder now, you will receive a year-long subscription to my premium substack (worth $70) and access to new recipes all year long! Preorders mean so, so much to underrepresented authors like me and show publishers and retailers that voices like mine deserve prominent spaces on the bookshelves!
Thank you!
END OF ANNOUNCEMENT
dear friend,
is this you, too? everything I chased in life ran away from me, including the boys I had huge crushes on (there were so many of them!), that new job that turned out to be a nightmare, and that sense of fulfillment I thought I'd find from dream collaborations.
in the end of that chase was emptiness. The boys never loved me back. neither the dream job nor the collaboration changed my life or went on to define me.
chasing didn’t leave me exhilarated. I was tired and disenchanted.
but there were lessons along the chase. The boys didn’t love me back because I was giving “desperation,” which made me undesirable in their eyes. i put too much value in seeking their approval and validation that i lost myself.
slowly, i learned to stop dressing to appease the male gaze. i took better care of myself. I showed less interest in the boys and learned to love myself.
i stopped chasing and slowed down.
then, something funny happened.
The boys who once rejected me took notice. Some started chasing me. but by that point, I was more interested in myself. because if they didn’t love me at my lowest, they didn’t fucking deserve me at my highest.
and that was when I found my Benny Blanco, a man who adored me and became my biggest cheerleader in life. Mt dear Jake, who I’ve been married to for over a decade.
Throughout our courtship, we didn’t play games or chase each other. We just loved each other through all our highs, lows, and even mids.
we now have a son who loves to call us “mid.”
*we also apparently have no jawlines and no rizz…*
no cap. anyhoo…
my point is, life is short but we don’t have to move through it quickly, chasing all the vain things and people that we believe would define us and bring us joy and happiness. they don’t. in the end, it’s us, ourselves, who will bring us the most joy in life.
there’s power in pausing. we don’t always need to be on the move, always achieving, always striving. Sometimes, the most fulfilling things happen when you allow yourself to just breathe, to let things unfold. We are often conditioned to believe that achieving more, doing more, means being more. But what if it’s the opposite? What if the true richness in life comes from the moments where we simply let go, let ourselves rest, and soak in what we have right in front of us?
we always dwell in the past and worry about our future, forgetting our present.
we sometimes miss everything around us. Slowing down doesn’t mean we stop trying, it means we stop chasing. It’s about shifting our focus from a distant finish line to the beauty and joy in the now. it's so easy to get caught up in running after everything, but we often forget that we need to nurture ourselves and fill our own cups first. Whether it’s taking time for ourselves, reconnecting with loved ones, or simply being okay with doing nothing, slowing down helps us recharge in a way that chasing never can.
so, here’s to slowing down, taking a step back, and appreciating the present, the real connections, and the things that actually matter, to finding contentment in our own company before seeking it elsewhere.
here’s to not chasing and to start receiving all the good that will come to us.
If you want to slow down today, here are 10 tips to help you do just that:
Take a deep breath. Seriously, stop and just breathe. It's a simple way to re-center and connect your mind to your body.
Limit your screen time. Put your phone on "Do Not Disturb" and enjoy some peace.
Go for a walk in nature. Even 10 minutes of sunlight can do wonders for your mindset. Cherry blossoms are out now in the West. Go admire those beautiful pink blooms.
Write in a journal. Reflect on your thoughts, not your to-do list. Start your own substack. I started this one on a whim.
Practice gratitude. Find three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Most importantly, thank yourself for loving you today.
Say no to things that drain you, including people. Focus on what actually brings you joy.
Read a book or watch something calming. No rushing, just enjoying the moment.
Unclutter your space. Clear your environment, clear your mind.
Spend quality time with loved ones. Conversations, not obligations.
Permit yourself to rest. Rest is a form of productivity too.
Bake a Kat Lieu cake, hehe. Like what I did here?
Here is my favorite easy 2-ingredient cake recipe. It’s simple, quick, and a perfect reminder that sometimes, less really is more.
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